5 “How To” Books Stacey Dash Should Write

The breathtakingly stunning actress Stacey Dash is planning on writing a “How To” book for her next gig. Instead of searching for another role that needs a pretty face, Dash wants to use her brain to help those that want to be just like her. She’s also going to be learning about herself in the process. She had this to say about her new book:

“I’m writing a “How To” book. It’ll be about me, my daily ritual and what I do every day to be Stacey Dash. It’ll be about what I’ve done in the past, the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned. The mistakes that I continue to make that drive me to moments of madness. I want to share what I’m going through in real-time to correct, reconcile and reinvent. You see I’m on a quest to live in love and joy come hell or high water. So, I’ll be writing about my future and how I’m moving forward in life using the knowledge I’ve gained from my past and wisdom I’m finding now. Also, I want to teach women and girls how to take care of themselves…and most importantly, how to love themselves. I believe that… is truly what is most important in life. In the process of writing, I’m hopeful that while I’m teaching you I’ll also be teaching myself.”

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Great–a book all about her and her daily rituals–basically what it takes to be Stacey Dash. Well, that all sound fine, but unrealistic. Just because I use the facial scrub and moisturizer that she uses doesn’t mean that I’ll wake up and suddenly be unbelievably gorgeous. Will it? If this book were realistic, I’d totally buy it. But since we live in the real world and we’re not all blessed with those way above average genes, I’d rather Stacey Dash write a “How To” book about these things that she knows more about:
1. How To Get Fired
Vh1’s “Single Ladies” may have given Dash the boot, but they’re not the first, nor the last. The 40 plus year old actress evidently or allegedly has a nasty attitude that far surpasses how attractive she is and gets her fired more often times than not. If Stacey were to write something, it should be a step-by-step guide on how to lose a job with your attitude alone.
2. How To Be Beautiful
Every time Stacey looks in the mirror, she’s got to be overly impressed with her green-eyed reflection. I know I’d be conceited. The age-defying beauty should focus her energy more on telling us how we can be beautiful instead of telling us what we can do to be like her.
3. How To Be In A Video
Stacey Dash’s acting career should be meaty. She’s been at it since 1982, but we mostly remember her from Clueless and Kanye West’s “All Falls Down” video. I wouldn’t want to learn from the always-fired thespian how to get or keep a job, but maybe she has some insight on how to land top notch videos that could help breathe new life into your career.
4. How To Lose A Man
Married three different times in 11 years, Stacey knows a thing or two about how to lose a man. Sometimes, women need those pointers. There’s an entire market open and ready for someone like Stacey or Halle Berry to fill it!
5. How To Trick Father Time
There’s one thing Stacey Dash can do that not many women can and that’s fooling father time. If you glance at the beauty, you would swear she’s in her 20’s, but according to her birth certifcate, she’s 46 and counting. If her book detailed her beauty regiment to a T, that’s still not enough. I’m convinced she’s drinking something or doing some ancient African or Mexican (her heritage) rituals that defy time. Now that would be a New York Times Best Seller!

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