Note to self: Never date brothers. It’s not smart. And by “brothers,” I don’t mean Black men, I mean men who are related to one another. Bros before hoes is always a good mantra to be aware of.
I was not in the mood for any games when I read Ali’s question, “How do you know that?”
“I met your brother on here too.” I thought about what his brother and I just did and laughed to myself that his twin was in my inbox a couple hours later.
“Word? I didn’t even know he was on here,” Ali replied.
“Or that he had the same taste in women?” I typed.
“Or just good taste. LOL,” Ali was pleased with himself. It was smooth. I let his charm be the reason I was entertaining the conversation.
“Touche. So does it bother you that your brother ‘had me’ first?” I asked, still not knowing why I was entertaining him. Ok, yes I did. It was the same reason I was on the app–I was desperate.
There was a time when I was so pressed for a relationship, I was willing to accept whatever it was offered to me. I know I’m not the only woman in the world to compromise her own standards for some affection. Whether it’s dating a man with baby mamas when you said you don’t even want kids or trying on twin brothers like shoes when you want to be one man’s woman, many of us have done things against our standards on this journey to love.
I shifted my attention from Daebi and his lack of patience for my constant questions about his lack of affection to his twin brother, Ali. When Ali and I weren’t on Facetime, we were texting back and forth in constant contact.
After a couple of weeks of being digitally attached at the hip, Ali and I decided to take our relationship to the next level. He was ready to meet. Honestly, I thought he was drawing out us meeting because he wasn’t who he told me he really was. This was a time when the MTV show, “Catfish” was a huge hit and people who watched often questioned how the people ended up being “catfished” in the first place?
I just knew I was being “catfished” by Daebi. I concocted an entire melodrama in my head where he couldn’t handle my silence after our encounter, so he created a twin brother (even though he’d already told me about him) to continue to get close to me.
Could you imagine if that was actually true? That’s a whole ‘nother level of devotion…and crazy.
Ali and I set up a date. Oddly enough, we met up at the exact same coffee spot that Daebi and I met on our first encounter. Neither one of us brought up Daebi again since that first day we connected. I felt like I needed to. When I originally made a joke about Daebi “having” me first, we both laughed it off and continued our conversation.
Now, sitting in front of Ali, I wanted him to know that I’d been intimate with his brother and that since that night, we’d stopped speaking.
We smiled at each other. Ali felt very comfortable, very familiar. With his hand rested on my thigh and a smile plastered on his face, I didn’t need to read between the lines–he was happy to be there with me. My timing with something like Carrie’s from “Sex In The City;” it was awful. You know Carrie was always running around ruining her relationships when they were going well–throwing monkey wrenches in awesome situations. I was poised and ready to throw mine.
“I was intimate with your brother,” I blurted out. Ali could have been talking about his last relationship and why it didn’t work or what his plans were for the holidays, I had no clue. I just had to get it out.
“…Well, OK,” Ali slowly took his hand off my thigh. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“There wasn’t a good time to ever tell you that,” I looked down. I saw the error of my ways. I saw it the first time I responded to Ali. Three’s an unspoken code, typically between friends, where you’re just not allowed to “homie hop.” What is homie hop? It’s the idea of bros before hoes or chicks before dicks–you should never date someone your friend has been with.
That same rule applies to family members. You should never be with someone your brother or sister was with. But I wasn’t with Daebi. We attempted something and it ended up being a very unsuccessful booty call.
Was it my fault that the chemistry between Ali and I was off the charts? Was it my fault that he was still interested and pursued me even after he found out that Daebi already “had” me? Yeah…it was. I had every opportunity to nip this little fling in the bud, instead, I entertained it, nurtured it and allowed both of our feelings to grow on top of a questionable foundation. I was out here looking like a careless T.H.O.T.
“You’re right,” Ali watched the girl next to us open her laptop and put in her password before he continued, “There’s not a good time to mention that.”
We continued our coffee date with a cloud of awkward looming above us. After, we went our separate ways with a hug. I was sure I wasn’t going to see him again.
When Ali rang my phone the next day, I was shocked. “Hey!” He said with so much excitement in his voice, I thought he dialed the wrong number.
“I didn’t get your good morning text today and was wondering why?” In our marathon communication sessions, Ali and I would wish amazing days to one another every morning. The morning after I told him that I’d slept with his twin brother, I was still embarrassed, so I couldn’t send it.
“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore after I told you about Daebi,” I admitted.
“Oh! That’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Want to come over? I’m cooking tonight.”
Daebi told me when we first met that he lives with his twin brother. Now here Ali was, inviting me over to the home they share. I would be sitting there knowing that they also shared me.
I could have just cut him off after the coffee date. I could have left Ali and Daebi in my dating rear view mirror, but I didn’t. I liked the attention Ali was giving me and every once in a while, Daebi would text me too–it made me feel wanted.
I should have cared that it was two brothers who wanted me–twin brothers–but I wasn’t concerned. I was flattered. When you look back at your screwed up priorities, it makes you cringe. At least I’m cringing.
When I got to Ali and Daebi’s apartment, I inhaled the aroma of salmon. “Smells amazing!” I smiled and kissed Ali on his lips.
“Thank you, thank you. You’re gonna love it. Have a seat, I’ll get you some wine,” Ali said, leading me to the couch.
Ali went to the kitchen to put some finishing touches on dinner and brought us both a mug of wine. There were no wine glasses in this bachelor pad.
We giggled on the couch, playing with each other’s fingers. The door opened and we both stared at it.
Daebi walked in. I tried to keep my jaw from hitting the floor, but my heart felt like it would explode inside my chest.
“Dani…” Daebi said my name as he walked over to the couch where I was cuddled up with his twin.
Ali stood up between us, “Yeah. You know Dani. She told me about you two.”
They were face to face. The tension was so thick and awkward and I wished my heart would have went ahead and exploded so that I didn’t have to be there anymore.
“And yet, you still went after her?” Daebi said as if I wasn’t in the room.
“Should I go?” I asked, getting up.
“No, stay,” Ali assured me before turning back to Daebi. “We’re good. Me and my brother are always going to be good.” They clasped hands into a handshake/hug.
“You should only go if you can’t choose,” Daebi said.
I laughed, thinking he was joking. Daebi and I had nothing between us but chemistry I made up because I wanted it to be there and a few sweaty romps between the sheets. The look on Daebi’s face said that he wasn’t joking.
I looked at Ali, searching his eyes for a punchline. “Ali?” I asked.
“My bro is right. You were his first. It’s your choice. Him or me, because we are gonna be we with or without you,” Ali responded.
I stared at the both of them and thought, “This is weird.” I should have taken my chance to leave both of them alone the moment Ali messaged me on OK Cupid for the first time, but I didn’t. I took that very awkward moment of those twin brothers forcing me to choose between them as if they’re some giant teddy bear I won at a carnival as my time to escape.
“I choose to go, excuse me,” I pushed past both Ali and Daebi. Honestly, if I had to make a choice, it would have been Ali. I hate that I met his faux deep, sexually frustrating brother first. Ali was amazing and I forced myself to miss out on him as punishment. I punished myself for trying to come between brothers and for jumping the gun on sleeping with Daebi and attempting to create a relationship with him after a few good conversations. Lesson learned. I hope the next lesson doesn’t have to be taught via triplets.