#RelationshipGoals: I’m So Tired Of The Stalled Situationships I Keep Finding Myself In

"Woman mad at her boyfriend"

I met a guy. That’s not monumental by any means, but I’m excited about him. I also know that I tend to get way too excited about situationships.

What are situationships, you ask?

A “situationship” is one of those terms that defines a weird period of dating that is nothing but a grey area. It’s been defined all over the web, but the best definition I’ve seen — or that I can most accurately relate to — is:

“A situationship is basically a pseudo-relationship. A placebo masking itself as a formative relationship. It smells like a relationship, it sorta looks like a relationship, and it may even feel like one, but it’s not.”

I have to be real with myself and consider the situationships I’ve been finding myself in lately. The last handful of times I’ve met men and attempted to start some type of something with them, it’s gone nowhere. The dating climate has changed and courting feels like a thing of the past. I’ve been aimlessly meandering through situations saturated in steamy nights and awkward mornings.

I’ll meet a guy, get excited, open up communication, then something happens and the communication cuts off. And then it’s wash, rinse, repeat. The cycle is dizzying, but I’m always hopeful.

So let’s get back to it, now that I’ve got all of that off my chest.

I met a guy. His melanin is rich, his height allows me to look up at him for a kiss, and he has a belly. That extra jiggle overlapping his belt is endearing. I was at a party, working, when I saw him.

He didn’t strike me as handsome or interesting–in fact, I was speaking with a young man who works in politics and he pointed him out, “Is he cooning?” The man asked me without expecting an answer, but I gave him one anyway.

I looked over at the well-dressed dark chocolate man dancing like he was some pop locking Savion Glover. He certainly could move. I smiled at him. The more animated he became, the more the camera man recording him zoomed in. “Yeah, he’s cooning,” I laughed.

And that was that. I spent the rest of the party focused on work and afterward a couple of my coworkers invited me to a rooftop at a hotel nearby for the after party. I invited two of my friends to come with me. Once we made it to the rooftop, the drink orders were plentiful.

I was somewhere between tipsy and drunk when my one of my friends went to the bathroom and the other was off with another girl we met as soon as we arrived. I stood there, sipping my cocktail with my coworkers, laughing about something work-related that was hardly funny when he walked up beside me.

“What are you drinking?” He asked, putting his nose in my cup.

It happened too fast for me to be offended. I backed up, looked at him and smiled. “The coon,” I thought to myself, grateful I had enough tact not to say it out loud. “Dark and stormy,” I said instead. “It’s one of my faves.”

“Sounds like you already like me,” his teeth looked like ivory keys next to his black satin skin.

I smiled back at him, “You work quick.”

“When I see something I like, yes I do.”

He sat down on the couch and patted the space next to him. “Come, sit, relax,” He smiled at me the whole time.

As if on command, I sat next to him.

“I’m Aaron,” he said putting out his hand.

I grabbed it to shake, “I”m Danielle, pleased…” my words stopped on my tongue as if it were a cliff and they were terrified of heights. Aaron brought my hand to his pillowy pink lips and kissed it. My hand felt surrounded by his juicy lips. I’ve never been light-headed from a kiss on the hand before, but there’s a first time for everything.

Aaron and I chatted, but mostly flirted through the night. He surprised me with his questions about commitment and children, but it was a pleasant surprise. He was curious about my relationship goals, desire to have children and asked me if I wanted a man. Wow, a man unafraid of the things most men avoid in the first couple of conversations. I could get used to this.

Around 3 am, Aaron and I both decided it was time to go. He was heading to San Francisco the next morning for a week for work and the following week, I was headed off on vacation for a week. I’m no math whiz, but I quickly added up that it was going to be a while before we saw each other again.

“See you in two weeks!” I said giving Aaron a high five.

“Don’t be dramatic. We’ll talk. And I’ll see you as soon as you’re back,” Aaron said before laying his thick lips on mine.

My knees felt like liquid underneath me.

When my Uber drove away from him the night we met, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t going to hear from him again. So when he hit me the next day, I was pleasantly surprised. We continued our communication for those two weeks, so the anticipation to see one another was palpable.

“Guess who’s back!” I texted Aaron as soon as I was settled back home. No response. I waited a few hours before I wrote, “I’d love to see you.”

“I wanna see you too,” Aaron finally wrote back.

“When?” I asked.

“Soon.”

Soon came and went and no word from Aaron. This one felt special, so I was having a hard time shrugging him away like yesterday’s headlines. With every noise from my phone, my heart raced, hoping it would finally be Aaron and one day night, it was.

Aaron texted my phone at 3 am and my heart immediately sank. We did a lot of sexual flirting, but I didn’t think Aaron put me in the booty call box, especially considering he didn’t get my cookies. I ignored the text. Later that day, when I woke up, I texted him, “3 a.m. sir?”

No response. I went about my day and noticed a message from Aaron, “I thought you wanted to see me?”

I tossed my phone on my bed and rolled my eyes. I really thought this dude genuinely wanted to get to know me. Of course we both wanted to have sex with one another, but I just knew he wanted more than that.

I picked up my phone, looked at Aaron’s text and sighed.

Tune in next week to find out how I responded to Aaron and what went on in our situationship!

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